How to Never Lose an Argument

Being an entrepreneur, Nigel is constantly fighting with the irrationalities of our society. Sometimes he wins, sometimes he loses, but he keeps moving. He told me about his battle with the Department of Health in his kitchen, but he adapts and moves on, which reminds me of Bruce Lee’s advice: “Be like water.” Maybe that is the only sane strategy for a business owner.

At a Thai restaurant and later at a crêperie, we argued loudly enough to sound like college sophomores having a philosophical debate while high. People often tell me I like to win arguments, which has always sounded redundant. Who plays chess wanting to lose? I’m not even sure how such a game can unfold.

You can’t always win, but in debate there is a way to avoid losing because losing is mostly a matter of perception. The key is constant course correction. Software developers used to release major versions once a year, which meant any flaw could become a disaster. With “CI/CD” continuous integration and continuous delivery, flaws still happen but stay small. Most people never notice.

Debate works the same way. If you notice a flaw in your argument, fix it immediately. Small adjustments go unnoticed. Poor debaters tie their egos to their positions, double down on every mistake, and eventually hit a point where correction feels humiliating.

But here is the part that often confuses people: if you continually course‑correct, your opponent may feel like you have no fixed position at all. What they don’t see is that adaptability is the position. Water does not insist on a shape, yet it still fights. The confusion comes from the Western assumption that consistency is a universal virtue. If you expect a position to remain fixed, movement feels like evasion.

What happens when both people course-correct? It happens when I talk to Nigel. The result is a chessboard with two kings left standing, but we both learn a lot from our course-corrections. The point then is not the conclusion but the process.