Chess and Dance:Two Modes of Socializing

There are many ways to socialize. We might share knowledge, challenge each other, and test our ideas; I call this chess. We might also share experiences and cross into the unknown; I call this dance.

Chess is easy to explain. It’s tangible, measurable, and comparable. After socializing, you could even write down what you learned.

Dance, by contrast, is almost impossible to explain. It’s like climbing a mountain with friends; its impact might not be clear until weeks later. Even something as frivolous as singing karaoke can be transformative if it helps you shed your inhibitions.

Most socializing falls somewhere between these two extremes. They do not constitute a binary pair but a spectrum.

My social circle is skewed toward chess. Even when the room is full of laughter, we’re usually exploring what is knowable or explicable. This kind of socializing is the art of articulation. We respect each other for our ability to express vague, abstract, or complex ideas.

Still, I do go dancing now and then. Ballroom dancing, to me, is a kind of copout (unless taken to the extreme), because it stays safely within established forms. The true benefit of dance is crossing into the unknown. Unless you let the freak out, you won’t get there. Because there’s nothing you can articulate, transformation is the only way its impact becomes apparent.

Whether you’re playing chess or dancing, you want to avoid performing. A performance follows a script; there’s no room to change. In contrast, growth requires letting go of the script and becoming whatever the moment calls for. You must allow the context to shape you.

In either case, courage is required for growth, especially the courage to accept evaluation, which is not the same as judgment. Don’t expect or demand safety.

Each of us is made up of many parts. And each part wants to play a different game.