On Unsolicited Advice

I’m known for giving unsolicited advice, yet society often tells us that it’s a bad habit, spanning thousands of years across many cultures. Let me explain my side of the story.

I don’t believe the real issue is whether advice is solicited or unsolicited. I’m not sure who decided this distinction was the core of the problem, but I think it’s a misdiagnosis.

Some people simply can’t take any advice, solicited or otherwise. Most of us have experienced the following scenario: a friend asks for advice about an important decision, and you spend considerable time thinking it through and explaining your thoughts. Your friend agrees with you and thanks you profusely. Then, a few days later, you learn from someone else that your advice was completely ignored.

Even more frustrating is when a friend in a toxic relationship seeks help. She confides that her boyfriend is mistreating her. You spend hours at a bar reassuring her that she deserves better and reminding her of her potential. She leaves feeling empowered, yet a year later, nothing has changed.

Consider another pattern: a man blames women for his failure to find a girlfriend, claiming that women are shallow and only interested in macho men with money. Meanwhile, he overlooks his own glaring issues, like his poor hygiene, which everyone else notices but no one dares to mention because they don’t care enough about him to give unsolicited advice.

These common stories suggest that whether advice is solicited or not may be irrelevant.

In my experience, people who can benefit from advice tend to welcome it regardless of how it is given. They encourage unsolicited advice and appreciate the effort, even if it’s not useful, because they do not want to discourage unsolicited advice.

So, what does all this mean for me? First, I try to determine whether the person can take advice. If not, even if they ask for it, I don’t because they will just feel guilty for not following through. If they can take advice, I offer my advice, even if unsolicited.

More importantly, I try to be the person who can listen to any advice, solicited or not.