About My Head Hair

It’s been thinning slowly over the last few decades, and it’s a bit annoying because there’s no clear pattern. It’s not receding from a specific spot; it’s just thinning evenly all over.

When I was in middle school in Japan, my dad had an absurd theory: if you kept your hair very short, you’d never go bald. He was known for coming up with notions that had no origin, proof, or logic—so, technically, they weren’t theories. Still, he managed to plant that idea in my head for a few years before I dismissed it as pure nonsense.

Having a full head of hair, especially as we get older, is highly desirable because so many men end up bald. Having facial hair, on the other hand, isn’t something to brag about because nobody loses it. We’re indifferent. We should thank bald men who walk around without trying to hide it. If it weren’t for them, women would likely feel indifferent about men with thick, voluminous hair, too.

But why is it so hard to accept our changing looks? As infants, the first person we notice is usually our mother. At that point, we haven’t yet formed a sense of ourselves; we only perceive the being that cares for us. The idea of “self” is implied but not yet recognized until we see our reflection in a mirror—“the mirror stage.” We realize we have a body, a face, and eyes—just like our mother—and that we, too, exist as part of the world (the Other).

It’s important to note that the self forms after the Other. There is something inherently foreign about our own image. Despite this otherness, we miraculously convince ourselves that we are a single, whole entity, rather than a collection of parts doing their own thing. We don’t address someone’s hair, eyes, emotions, or intellect separately.

Maintaining this sense of wholeness involves a lot of work. We spend years integrating the different parts of ourselves into one identity. So when something changes suddenly—like losing hair or an arm—it’s distressing because we have to rework that integration. Once the process is complete, the suffering often dissolves like someone else’s problem. If only we could fast-forward the integration, life would be so much easier.