Lid for Every Pot

Since Stefan and Zopi are foodies, I figured I would cook something we don’t often see at Japanese restaurants here: Chikuzenni (筑前煮) and Braised Pork Belly (角煮). I also served seaweed salad, edamame, tsukudani, and umeboshi. Zopi fell in love with the particular umeboshi I bought. I almost didn’t serve it because I didn’t think they would be able to appreciate the subtle differences of this high-end umeboshi.

Before producing the hit TV series Love & Hip Hop, Stefan and his partner, Toby, created a show called “Can’t Get a Date.” Stefan was the dating guru on the show, but only his voice appeared.

He was optimistic at first about the prospect of being able to help these people who couldn’t get a date to save their life, but in the end, he realized that they couldn’t get out of their own way. That was more than a decade ago. Now, our mutual friend who appeared in the show, is married and has a kid. We know that it’s not because of what Stefan taught him. “There is a lid for every pot” seems to be true.

Dating advice is typically oriented around teaching what men or women find attractive—the rationale being that if you know what the majority of women (the middle of the bell curve) find attractive, as a man, you would dramatically increase your chance of attracting some of them. But this assumes that you also fall somewhere within the norm. If you are an outlier, it’s not likely that you would be compatible with the women within one standard deviation, even if you successfully impress them on a date.

Outliers have different ways of finding each other. Typically, it’s not through dating. Dating is necessary for the majority because they have no natural filters that allow them to find the matching lids. For instance, if you dress like how the majority dresses, fashion wouldn’t function as a filter. If you a fan of U2, you are just one of the millions. If your favorite book is “The Shining” by Stephen King, the same problem. But what if it’s “The Phenomenology of Spirit” by Hegel? Now, that’s a real filter. Women who love men who read Hegel are few and far between, like American women who love umeboshi, but you only need one.