Reasoning with Virus

April 17, 2019

This flu is causing me fatigue and body ache. I complained to my friend Mike, my barely Jewish but fully licensed acupuncturist. He told me to take this custom mix of herbs. They used to come in their natural forms but now the powder form appears to be in vogue. Many people hate the taste of these Chinese herbs but I love it. If you add some honey, it tastes just like fine Italian Amaro.

Why do we get sick? It seems unnecessary. Why couldn’t a virus live in peace with us? As long as they don’t make me sick, I’m OK with them hanging around in my body. I would gladly eat whatever they like to eat. Maybe the flu virus likes tonkatsu. No problem. I don’t know what kind of virus I got this week from my daughter, but if this virus likes the flavor of beef chimichanga, I would gladly eat it for them. Just don’t make me feel sick. All this suffering would be unnecessary if we can just reason with them.

Imagine if we could indeed reason with a virus. Obviously, they want something from us. What is it? Could we give it to them in different ways without invading our bodies? If they must enter our bodies, can we negotiate the details so that they wouldn’t cause us pain? What drives me crazy is that we have no clue what they want. If they have their way, and our immune system is defeated, we would die. But if we die, they would die too. Why can’t they see that it’s pointless?

But alas, they can’t reason. They are like babies. I used to get frustrated with my kid too when she was a baby. Thank god she can reason now. Reason is the greatest human invention. Just by talking, we can stop another person from doing something. If space aliens were to observe our behavior, they would have to be impressed: “Hey, what just happened there? That guy was about to beat the shit out of the other guy, but he suddenly calmed down and left after the other guy made some sound. It must be some kind of magic.” Magic indeed. We don’t need to be a wizard like Harry Potter. We already are. Reason works very much like a magic wand. Without touching the other person we are able to change his behavior. It’s pretty incredible.