The Art of Concealing the Truth

On Japanese TV, I came across a short segment about a festival in @kasama_city where people vent their grievances by yelling at 13 people dressed as Tengu (creatures from Japanese folklore). One theory behind the origin of this tradition is that a feudal lord wanted to find out the daily grievances of the residents.

“Tate-mae” is what you say, and “hon-ne” is what you actually think. While Americans also don’t simply blurt out what they’re thinking, the Japanese take this to the next level, which makes reading their minds much harder—even for the Japanese themselves. So, I can imagine that a “cursing festival” would indeed be useful.

I’m often criticized for not having any filters—even in America. It’s safe to assume, therefore, that I would have had a miserable life in Japan as an adult. However, I’ve noticed that Japanese people’s ability to tolerate bullshit isn’t all that different. The only real difference is the times and places where “hon-ne” is expressed.

“Buchi-gire” refers to those moments when Japanese people lose control and blurt out their “hon-ne.” When this happens, the language—not just the tone—suddenly changes. They swing from sounding extremely polite to extremely hostile. There’s no in-between for them.

I prefer to state my “hon-ne” in a neutral voice—neither polite nor rude. The swing between the two extremes seems unnecessary and overly performative, like everyone is always acting. But, hey, everyone and every culture has different preferences. What’s interesting, however, is that these preferences seem to dictate the types of friends we make. I’m surrounded by blunt people, and my friendships with overly polite people rarely last.

One advantage of consistently expressing “hon-ne” is that it’s easier to make friends. If both parties know what the other is thinking, trust can build very quickly. In contrast, those who express only “tate-mae” need a long courtship. The disadvantage of being blunt is that people either love you or hate you; you can’t get along with everyone. But out of the billions of people in the world, we can only befriend a tiny fraction. So, I don’t see the point of trying to be liked by everyone.