December 10, 2016

All my life, I’ve tried my best to get along with the majority, and blamed myself for my failures to do so. Next year, I’m going to be 50, and I think it’s time I stop.

I realize that it doesn’t serve anyone any good including myself. I think I’ve grown bitter towards certain types of people because I’ve repressed my own desire to have certain types of conversations I love, which are despised by most people. Since they have the support of the majority, they can roll their eyes or call me rude or inconsiderate.

I don’t want to feel bitter towards anyone, so I need to stop repressing. If they don’t like the type of conversation I like, then I shouldn’t force myself to have the type of conversation they like either. It needs to be reciprocal. There aren’t many who are willing to reciprocate but that’s fine now. Life is too short. I shall dedicate the rest of my life to quality rather than quantity.

I think this is an advantage of being old. There is nothing much to lose; so there is no reason to play safe or hedge my bets.