Since the subtitle of my book is about reconsideration, I believe we should reconsider—and broaden—the list of people who might be called upon to write a review. The list should include the author, who understands the book better than most of its other readers. Consequently, here is my autoreview, my review of my own book. Read »
As I took a walk in the park this afternoon, I noticed a man with a sign in front of him that said, “Tell me a funny story about living in New York.” About a minute later, I remembered a story I could have told him. Instead of going back to him, I decided to write. It is something I should have written down while my memory was clearer, but I figured it’s still better to do so now than later. It’s a story of how I ended up spending one summer fishing for mice out of my window. Read »
Almost everything I thought was going to be was wrong. It’s rather pointless to make a long-term plan about having a child, because you change and so do your values and judgment. Before the birth of my baby girl, “child” meant “responsibility”, which in turn meant “compromise”, “self-sacrifice”, and “conservatism.” I figured I had to be ready to put my child before anything else. I prepared myself to work hard even if I hated my job. I accepted that my creative life would be substantially compromised, mainly because I would have no time, money, or energy to do anything else other than working and taking care of the child. Now, I realize that I need to behave exactly the opposite of what I expected. Read »
Five days ago, a baby girl came into my life through the process that now seems like a surreal dream. One learns extraordinary things through extraordinary experiences, and I certainly learned something extraordinary from it. Before the details of my memory fade out, I want to write them down. Read »
I used to think that having a child was an easy way out of the paradox of life. After all, what better way is there to give yourself a purpose in life than to have someone whose life depends on you. Even an utterly lost soul, like George W. Bush, can turn his life around by having a child. Believe it or not, now I too am an expectant father. Many of my friends did not see this coming; some even told me that I was the last person they expected to have a child. Admittedly the idea still feels rather foreign to me. It was a result of my recent take on life; to let life happen, and to experience whatever happens in full. Read »
Standing on Sheridan Square I watched the World Trade Center on fire. Powerful symbols of global economic domination burning right in front of me. Should I be excited? Was I excited? Thousands of people working in those buildings. Was I horrified? I should be horrified. I was watching and not knowing what I was feeling. My emotions buried deep beneath my face, as my mind ran on a thousand tracks. Read »
The blackout of 2003 was unexpected in more ways than one. In our post-9/11 era, I found myself second-guessing the information I heard on the radio. It’s difficult to take anything at its surface value. However, despite the possibilities of terrorism, I was surprised by how relaxed everyone was. This is my account of how my blackout of 2003 was. Read »
About a month ago, a friend I hadn’t seen in years called me out of the blue. He explained to me that he was calling from Algonquin Hotel, and that he was with several of our mutual friends from our college days in the hotel bar. He told me to come up. It was around 10PM. I left my answer ambiguous, but decided to go with my girlfriend. Read »
Looking back at my own writings from 1993, I found something that’s worth bringing back. I was depressed out of my mind then. Most of my writings from that period were so bitter and self-pitying. This one seems to show some honesty of my true feelings then. Read »
Yesterday morning as I was walking toward the subway station, I heard a big bang. I had no idea what it was, but I thought at the time that later it could turn out to be something big. Had I looked downtown, I would have probably seen the smoke and the fire. (From Houston Street, where I was walking, the World Trade Center towers used to be clearly visible.) I got on the F train at the station on Second Avenue and Houston Street, and got off at the 23rd Street station as usual. As I walked up 6th Avenue, I saw a crowd of people looking downtown. I wondered what it was all about but didn’t bother to look downtown. Once I arrived at work, one my co-workers, Laurens, told me that an airplane had smashed into WTC. We switched on the TV and there it was; both of the towers were on fire. Read »
Sometimes, in late afternoons, when the sun is about to touch the ground, I find myself standing in some ordinary place, thinking about my own life. I see everything around me tinted orange by the sun. Suddenly the scenery puts me into an introspective mood. I am forced to reflect on my own life. A feeling of guilt torments my body. “Another day just passed...,” I think to myself. No matter how hard I think, I cannot figure out where this guilt is coming from. What else could I have done today? What am I supposed to be doing with my life? I tell myself not to feel guilty. Along with guilt, loneliness and emptiness would hit me hard. They are one and the same thing. Read »
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