Defense mechanism is a way to cope with inconvenient reality; one that could potentially cause us pain. We develop an unconscious habit to block out or distort certain areas of reality. This means we are blind to these areas of reality for which we develop defense mechanisms. Read »
Being in high school I often hear “she’s weird” or “that’s weird.” I always like to ask why. What makes something or someone weird or normal? Something is weird when it breaks societal norms. For example, if someone puts his hand over his mouth while talking (in everyday conversations), you would probably consider that trait as weird (but not necessarily him as a person). But why? Because people don’t normally put their hands over their mouths while talking. Read »
Other than the couple’s counseling my wife and I had about 10 years ago, I’ve never had any therapy. It’s not that I had anything against the idea of therapy; it’s just that I never thought to seek outside help. Many men don’t ask for directions when they get lost, and I’m one of them (although, in many situations, not asking for directions is rather stupid). My wife is now studying to be a therapist, so our apartment is littered with books about psychology and psychotherapy. One of them, which was sitting on our dinner table, is “A Guide to Rational Living” by Albert Ellis. My wife told me that it’s one of the classics in psychology. I started reading it and was intrigued by his definition of “neurotic” because I felt like he was describing me personally, and at the same time I was surprised to find that he talks like I do; arrogant, sarcastic, and annoyingly rational. Later I learned that Ellis himself was “neurotic”. Read »
When feminists criticize or analyze men, they usually assume that all men are like Napoleon, Type A personality, aspired to be a leader, wants to conquer the world and leave his name in history. This is equivalent to assuming that all women want to stay home and raise children. I believe at least half of men do not aspire to be like Napoleon or Bill Gates; they just want to live a simple, modest life. Think of the father of Tiny Tim in “A Christmas Carol”. If it were culturally acceptable for him to stay home with his kids, wouldn’t you think he would have loved to do so? Read »
Almost everyone is aware of the challenges posed by information management within our increasingly digitized world, but meanwhile something is spreading itself throughout cyberspace, largely uncontrolled and unregulated. Like a cancer it replicates and attaches itself as an unwanted and uncontrollable accretion invading digital space in vast proportions, consuming progressively larger quantities of energy and leaving frustration, stress and misery in its wake. This isn't some kind of natural or automated process that I'm talking about here but rather the product of a Faustian ignorance, error and neglect. Some have referred to this proliferation of information as “Data Smog” but I’d like to suggest that it’s a good deal more threatening than a fine haze of irritating particles. Smog shifts and changes and often clears on a windy day. On the other hand, a cancer which grows out of control, threatens the very existence of vital organs and processes and therefore needs to be kept in check, if not eradicated altogether, before it threatens life itself. Read »
The Luddites held that the changes brought on by the Industrial Revolution would lead to a moral degradation of society. Many modern Luddites often argue the same thing—that technological progress opens up the door for deeper and deeper immoralities and creates a darker and darker world. Read »
How do leaders and people in authority gain an accurate picture of what’s going on around them and how sensitive (in both senses of the word) should they be towards criticism? Read »
We all seem to outgrow our own emotions. The things I held sacred in my youth are no longer so. The songs I used to think were divinely beautiful sound rather banal now. My universal and eternal ideologies crumbled and blew away over time. This seems to happen not just to individuals, but to the whole human race. As we have become more rational, many superstitious and prejudiced beliefs and rituals have faded away. For instance, not so long ago, race had an inviolable meaning for many people. It just felt right that we organized ourselves according to the colors of our skin. We assumed that our own race was superior to others. Such convictions were largely emotional, but many probably believed that their convictions were perfectly rational. As we educated ourselves better, we came to realize that we were misguided. Read »
The people who know me well would probably exclaim, “That’s a good idea!” Well, sorry to disappoint, but this isn’t about the fact that my values are questionable. I would not teach my own values to my child even if I thought my values were immaculate. This brings us to the question: What do I mean by “values”? The simplest way to put it is: To deem one thing to be superior to its counter part. For instance, in the last presidential election, many parents involved their kids into politics by teaching them that Obama is better than McCain. So, we had preschool kids campaigning for Obama. Read »
I’m not at all convinced that plagiarism is an entirely bad or avoidable thing. However, if you’re a student reading this in the hope of discovering a handy excuse to steal someone else’s work I’m afraid I’m probably going to disappoint you. Read »
When I read the autobiography of Emma Goldman, I was struck by how differently people lived here in the East Village, New York, at the turn of the 20th Century. I was particularly surprised by how everyone assumed they would eventually have their own businesses. On the other hand, most of us now expect that we work for corporations all our lives. Today, that became the mainstream, and running one’s own business became an “alternative” way to make a living. As a matter of fact, the corporate world tends to shun people who have defected to the alternative world. So, once you defect, it’s hard to get back into the mainstream. Born into this cultural environment, I had always assumed that this was the norm. It didn’t occur to me to think that people might have lived differently in the past. Read »
“This man was hurting, yet his problem wasn’t mine to solve. In fact, I needed to get out of his way so he could solve it,” said Laura A. Munson in her essay entitled “Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear.” It is her account of how she dealt with her marriage that almost fell apart. Her husband one day pronounced to her, “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.” Instead of reacting to it in an expected manner, she decided to stay calm and said, “I don’t buy it.” Her essay struck a chord with many people who are/were in similar situations. Read »
What does “Virtue is its own reward” mean? And, what does “virtue” mean? When I searched the web, I came across this video of Barry Schwartz speaking at a TED conference about virtue. In his case, he defines virtue as a moral and social concept. I believe this is the most common way that the word “virtue” is used. Despite my respect for his ideas on the paradox of choice, I disagree with his thesis on this topic. I think he got the order wrong. When you practice virtue as its own reward, what appears to be moral is actually not moral at all. It only appears so to other people who are observing your act. Read »
Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of creativity. It’s an elusive concept, like the concept of God. A friend of mine told me about a recent article in New Yorker dealing with the same topic: “Should creative writing be taught?” My view is in line with the “official position” of The University of Iowa Writers’ Workshop: Read »
I’ve always believed that male and female brains were biologically different from the day we were born. Now that I have a child of my own and see many of her friends grow up, it is hard to imagine how anyone could deny the difference. I have been so vocal about the gender differences that many of my friends think I am a sexist. I became so used to it that it doesn’t bother me anymore. Given this reputation of mine, one would assume that I would agree with everything stated in the book “The Essential Difference” by Simon Baron-Cohen, which explores the difference between male and female brains. To my surprise, I found myself disagreeing with him in a fundamental way. Read »
The word “seduction” is not generally perceived positively. There is something dark and negative about the idea of seducing, yet, it is a key factor in achieving happiness. (It is difficult to feel content if nobody likes you.) We humans are social creatures; I believe we’ve evolved to crave social recognition and to fear isolation. In this sense, seduction has been a critical component of evolution and is an important survival skill. We therefore need to look at it pragmatically. Read »
“Life has no meaning.” Most people would project a depressed feeling to this statement. Suppose John paints a big circle on his wall, and Jane asks, “What does the circle mean?” John replies, “No meaning. I just felt like it.” The lack of meaning, in this case, does not tempt us to project one. Why then, are we inclined to project a negative emotion to the pronouncement that life has no meaning? Read »
In speaking of stereotypes, the emphasis is usually placed on the act of differentiation, but dividing and uniting are two sides of the same coin; in one act, both concepts operate simultaneously. We view the attitude of “us” and “them” as divisive and negative, but without the concept of “them” or “others”, uniting of people would also be impossible. Read »
Reading this article in New Scientist reveals to me that scientific study of time is hampered by a language (semantic) problem. Wittgenstein incidentally used the concept of “time” to explain what he called “family resemblance.” The gist of it is that when we try to define what “time” is (or any word for that matter), we tend to look for what is common to all the phenomena we call “time”. This is a mental habit that has no logical basis. There is no reason why there must be something in common to all the phenomena we call “time”. Phenomenon A might share something in common with phenomenon B, and B might share something in common with C, but this does not mean that A must share something in common with C. So any attempt at abstracting a concept until you find something in common to all, is a futile exercise. I think some of the problems associated with time perception fall in this category. Read »
One winter night, one of the few Japanese friends I had in my early 20s was playing a guitar at his company Christmas party. He was an architect and was about 10 years older than I was. Before he decided to study architecture, he was making a living as a guitarist in Japan. This was not the first time I heard him play, but I was still stunned by how good he was. After his performance, I told him that it was a shame that he was no longer pursuing his musical career. He then shared with me his recent realization that life is a process of giving up. At the time, I didn’t think much of what he said. I think I remembered it only because of its unusual reversal of the popularly held beliefs. Especially on this land of dreams, “giving up” is seen almost as sacrilegious. Everyone’s livelihood seems to precariously hinge on holding big, albeit distant dreams. For some people, the more dreams, the better. So, what did my friend mean when he said that life is a process of giving up? Read »
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